


pause the (tragic) ending

by Nillen



Series: All This And Heaven Too [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Civilian Harry Hart, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Kingsman Agent Eggsy, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Spies & Secret Agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 18:20:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3906118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nillen/pseuds/Nillen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is happily married to the man of his heart; Gary ‘Eggsy’ Unwin-Hart, 25 years old journalist, with a pair of bright blue eyes and happy grins. He knows Eggsy’s family, friends, and co-workers, just like how he should be.</p><p>That is, until he is not anymore.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Where Harry Hart is a normal citizen of London, and Gary ‘Eggsy’ Unwin is a knight of the Kingsman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	pause the (tragic) ending

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Kingsman: The Secret Agent. I also used one of Lang Leav's quotes from her book here. If you are her avid fan, I think you'll know which line I'm talking about ;)
> 
> Warnings: A little OOC-ness, UNEDITED.
> 
> I'm sorry for all the grammatical errors :(

It happened in a matter of a second, and Eggsy was left staring at the gun pointed in their direction; eyes wide and his breath stuck in his throat.

He heard the sound of Harry gasped next to his ear; his husband’s body stiffened with the force of the bullet against his back, and Eggsy found himself screaming as he pulled a gun from the back holster of his shirt, and shot the sniper on top of the next building through the open window.

It wasn’t enough though, because Harry’s body collapsed against him, and Eggsy cried out as his arms tightened on Harry’s waist to support him. He panicked, blue eyes wide as they knelt on the ground by force, with Harry’s arms around him loosened and fell.

“ _Harry_! _Harry_!”

His voice sounded far away, but through his shocked eyes and panic, he knew the blood that was slowly tainting his hands didn’t belong to him. The white shirt Harry was wearing slowly darkened with the colour red, and Eggsy trembled in fear. His husband was unresponsive, eyes closed and Eggsy laid him down carefully on the floor, placing his head on his lap like how Harry always did to him.

“Harry, _Harry_ , _wake up_ ,” Eggsy tried to ignore the red that spread against his husband’s slowly paling skin as Eggsy touched his cheeks. The brown eyes that always looked at him with a sort-of fondness that made Eggsy felt like the most loved person in the whole world, were not looking at him. Harry was unconscious; angry, disappointed, in love, with Eggsy, and Eggsy didn’t even know what to do.

Now Eggsy was slowly losing him, he knew would not have another chance to fix things between them – things that Eggsy screwed up times and times again – if he didn’t do something quick. The thought had Eggsy scrambled to open Harry’s shirt and check on the wound.

The shot was supposed to be a direct shot to his heart – to _Eggsy’s_ heart – and now the bullet was stuck in his husband’s chest – _please not in Harry’s heart, please no_ – and with shaking hands Eggsy traced the hole with his fingers. He took a deep, shaky breath when he realized the shot was more to the right; it had missed Harry’s heart by a few inches.

“Merlin, Merlin, help, _please help_ ,” Eggsy whimpered quietly, hoping that the other man could see how much Eggsy needed help at that moment, his glasses remained fixed on his face throughout the whole ordeal. He could hear Merlin was giving orders back at the headquarter, and Eggsy couldn’t even focus on anything else anymore.Right now the only things he knew was that his arm around Harry’s shoulders had tightened, and his other arm around Harry’s waist was trying its best to support Harry from laying on his wound.

He couldn’t pull the bullet out, he couldn’t relive the sniper back just to kill him viciously again for shooting his husband, and he wanted Harry to be okay, just please be okay-

“…’sy, arlin’,” blinked tears, Eggsy looked down at the older man in his arms, and his teary sight caught the familiar brown eyes he had been staring at lovingly for years. Blood from his mouth had started to trickle down his chin, and he looked like a ghost of Eggsy’s failure.

“’arry,” Eggsy breathed out, feeling his heart beating faster than it should be, and he blinked tears again, this time couldn’t help but to sob. “ _Harry_.”

His husband gave him a weak smile, eyes half lidded and Eggsy knew he was trying his best to remain awake.

“Stay awake, please, stay with me, Harry, I love you,” Eggsy cried out, ignoring the way how he was so close to breaking down as long as Harry kept looking at him like that, kept looking at him as if Eggsy worth all the sufferings he had gone through, and all the love he had left in his life, “I love you, I’m so sorry, I love you, Harry, I love you so please stay awake, stay with me, please-”

 _It shouldn’t be like this_ , Eggsy’s heart cried out, _no,_ if this was the price of saving the world, if losing Harry is the price of saving the world, then Eggsy would have gladly let the world _burn._

* * *

 

“Harry, come on, _Harry_.” Eggsy whined, pressing his lips against Harry’s throat as the older man continued to check on his files. He made sure to nuzzle his messy blond hair against Harry’s nose, knowing how easily it made Harry lose his focus. But his husband just hummed; one arm around Eggsy’s waist to pull him closer against Harry on the couch, and Eggsy felt a light kiss being pressed against his temple.

“I have works, Eggsy, dinner is at 7.”Came the nonchalant reply, and Eggsy sighed against his neck. His own arms were around Harry’s waist, their bodies lined up to each other, side by side from head to toe. Eggsy had his legs up on the couch, ignoring the way Harry pinched his right hip for dirtying the leather seat with his fluffy, pink bunny home slippers.

They had a reservation for dinner at 7, it was now 5, and Eggsy would really love to have a pre-dinner sex, like, right now. But his workaholic of a husband seemed to think that finalizing a business deal with another company was more important than the blond.

Not the one to admit defeat very easily, Eggsy pressed up even more against Harry’s warm body, and bit his right earlobe.

“How come paperwork is sexie’ than me? I married you, the vows are mutual, no ‘Work’ as third party,” he mumbled in Harry’s ear, and heard Harry let out a sigh. It sounded more like exasperated, _fond_ , instead of angry, and Eggsy counted it as a victory.

He had just survived a mission in Budapest yesterday, so he deserved some loving from the man of his life.

Their living room in their spacious, large bloody house, was filled with Harry’s documents and books. Eggsy knew he was trying to get this one million deal from the company he had been telling Eggsy about since last month, but seeing the businessman looked so messy and disorganised, brought a weird feeling in his stomach. Eggsy pressed a loving kiss on Harry’s scar – the one on his right temple that he got from a horrid car accident – and subsequently reduced into a squeaking mess when Harry carried him up like a bloody princess.

One of his bunny slippers fell to the floor and Eggsy made a face at his – 50 years old but definitely fit and strong as fuck – husband.

Harry looked smug, like how he always did when he caught his husband in a surprise, and his arms under Eggsy’s knees and around his shoulders, tightened. The sight made Eggsy thought of a King who had everything that he wanted and needed, and Eggsy wanted Harry to be that King forever, and ever.

“I adore you. So much.”

And again, Harry caught Eggsy by surprise when he said those words; all bright brown eyes, and sincerity, and Eggsy was left staring at Harry dumbstruck, love-struck and completely at his mercy.

“I love you too.” Eggsy replied, voice soft as his blue eyes searched for Harry’s face for anything that show Harry might disbelieve him, and he was awarded with another small smile from Harry that he had come to love so very much.

“Now that we got that through, I believe a make out session is in order, Mr. Hart.”

Eggsy laughed at Harry’s playful eyes, and nodded his head happily.

“I believe it is so, Mr. Hart!”

* * *

 

“Galahad!”

Eggsy was unresponsive; body felt heavy and dead-like as he leaned against Kingsman hospital’s seat. He saw Roxy approaching him from his left, but it still didn’t wry off his focus on Harry’s blood on his hands.

“Eggsy,” once Roxy was close enough to touch him, Eggsy turned to face his fellow Kingsman, and he knew he must have looked so defeated, because Roxy never had such sad eyes set upon him.

“Oh, Eggsy,” she called his name again, and he let himself being pulled into a full embrace by the blonde. He felt his eyes warmed again at the sudden memory of Harry telling him that they should stop being together if Eggsy didn’t trust him, and how could he didn’t trust Harry before, how could he let the man down and let their love break into such ugly pieces.

How could Eggsy?

“He’s inside, Rox,” Eggsy murmured against Roxy’s suit cladded shoulder, his hands moved to wrap themselves around her small body, “He’s inside, and if he didn’t make it, I’m gonna _die,_ Rox _, I’m gonna die_.”

He didn’t know that he broke down in tears again, and only when Roxy pulled him away for a bit to wipe at his tears he actually realized it. Roxy scrutinized him with searching eyes, and Eggsy shook his head slowly. He knew he was a mess, he knew this was what Merlin had been talking about when Eggsy first announced he was getting married 2 years ago.

A Kingsman agent was never suited for any sort of attachment.

And would Eggsy ever knew about it.

“Harry is going to be all right,” Eggsy heard Roxy said softly, as if she was talking to a baby instead of a grown up adult, “We all know he is going to make it through.”

Eggsy stared at her with his heart heavy in his throat, and his hands – still tainted with Harry’s blood – gripped hers tightly. The action brought a small, reassuring smile on Roxy’s lips that Eggsy wanted to believe so much.

“It’s going to be all right, Galahad, have faith in him.”

* * *

 

“What are you doing?”

Eggsy lowered down his camera, and gave a lopsided grin to the handsome lad in a suit he had been taking pictures of. The man, surprisingly, only gave him a raised eyebrow, followed by the question.

It was quite warm outside the café – where there were only the two of them –, considering that it was summer in France, in the afternoon, but Eggsy never thought he’d met a guy who actually would have the gut to wear a full suit. Fortunately, the man was hot enough, hotter than the weather itself, so Eggsy forgave his set of mind.

“I’m taking pictures.” Eggsy answered him with an easy grin, and the man stared at him some more. Eggsy himself was wearing three-quarter khaki shorts, simple white polo shirt, and a pair of black shades on top of his blond hair. He knew he looked exactly like a typical tourist in Paris, but he was having his holiday, so Merlin could fuck it off with his gentlemen-must-wear-suit theory.

“I’m taking _your_ pictures,” Eggsy decided to rephrase his answer, when the man’s demeanour didn’t change, and he proceeded to just take another picture of the man, to make sure his point came across and valid, “ _Gorgeous_.”

The last word got the man laughed, and Eggsy decided that he loved the sound of the laughter. Full laughter, sincere, gorgeous; just like the man.

Their tables were just next to each other, both under a white big umbrella to cover them from the sunlight, and Eggsy wondered if he minded Eggsy changed his seat next to him instead.

“I’m old enough to be your father, boy, don’t you think so?” the man’s response to his flirting somehow caught him in surprise, and it caused Eggsy to blink his eyes twice. He tried to make it as adorable as he could – because even the All Mighty Merlin could never say ‘no’ to his puppy eyes, so this man shouldn’t be invincible to it as well –.

“I like it when you called me your boy.” He winked at the man instead, and damn it if the man’s laughter this time didn’t sound more beautiful as it did just now. Eggsy grinned at the brunette, casually raised from his seat to take the one next to the handsome man.

“Eggsy Unwin.” He introduced himself, politely offering a handshake, and he inwardly patted himself on the back when the stranger gave him an approving nod, taking his hand in a firm handshake, “Harry. Harry Hart.”

“Harry,” Eggsy tried it on his tongue, and smiled when Harry shook his head slightly, an exasperated but fond looking smile on his face.

“I’m 24 years old, a freelancing journalist. I’m currently on a holiday. And I totally believe that no dads of mine would be as gorgeous as you, yeah?”

Eggsy thought that Harry looked a bit reluctant for a while, although the smile remained on his face. “I’m 48, and a businessman. I’m here for work, and in fact, I actually have a meeting to attend in 30 minutes to come. I believe I should take my leave now.”

Harry checked on his wristwatch, and Eggsy saw it; the way he was checking out Eggsy, at the same time trying to control himself so that Eggsy wouldn’t be encouraged.

Not that Harry was winning, though.

“Here, my number just in case you want to have a drink together. Fellow English, yeah?”

Eggsy slid the older man his card – the one that he poked and whined to Merlin to make, because he refused to become a tailor like other agents, not until he turned 40 and _bald_ – and watched with hopeful puppy eyes, as the man took it with a strange look on his face. But Harry said nothing to his direct proposition, only offered him one last polite smile and a goodbye, before standing up and leaving the café with his briefcase and umbrella.

Eggsy leaned back against his seat when the sight of Harry disappeared from his view, and sighed.

“ _Gorgeous, Galahad_? _Seriously?_ ”

He heard Merlin’s teasing voice from the shades’ templates, and offered him a roll of his eyes Merlin wouldn’t be able to see, but laughed nonetheless.

“Oh shove it, Merlin!”

* * *

 

Eggsy didn’t sleep throughout the night.

It was probably because the operation took more than seven hours, and Eggsy was so afraid of leaving to even use the toilet, so afraid that if he left for a second, he would lose Harry in that exact second.

It sounded ridiculous, he knew that, but it was the same like the bullet that shot through his lover’s skin, eating into his flesh, and Eggsy knew that if he could reverse back the time, he’d bloody make sure the bullet go through his heart rather than Harry’s.

One second.

Just one second for Eggsy to have Harry back, just to almost lose him again.

Roxy had brought him a bowl of water and a towel to clean up his hands and face, and Eggsy had eaten the biscuits and a cup of coffee Percy and James had insisted for him to take. Arthur had come to see him for a few minutes, briefing him on the sniper who shot his husband and that Bors was currently handling the mission to find the cult behind it on his behalf. Merlin was there too to wrap a comfortable, thick blanket over his shoulders, and Eggsy might have died a little from the inside, thinking about how much he was taken care of out here, and Harry was still inside fighting alone to survive.

“Please,” Eggsy murmured under his breath, a few hours after everyone finally left; dried tears on his cheeks, his eyes closed and hands placed together in a desperate imitation of a prayer, “Please save him, I beg You, please, _save us_.”

* * *

 

_‘Darling, you’ve had your dinner?’_

_‘Yea, on my way to bed now actually, i miss ya ;)’_

_‘I miss you too, Eggsy. I’m sorry for missing Christmas with you this year. I’ll make it up to you.’_

_‘Nah its okayyy. Me good. JB is here to entertain me ;) Just wish u r here tho. Buy me present harry!’_

_‘I will. I’ll see you in a few more days, darling. Merry Christmas, love.’_

_‘Merry Christmas, harry, i love u too ;)’_

Eggsy shut his cellphone down, and took a deep breath, before taking out Kingsman’s signature hand grenade – lighter, dangerous when at home because Harry twice tried to use it to burn stuffs – and throwing it over his shoulder. The explosion caused the building to rattle and Eggsy was quick on his feet when he ran off to save his life from the impending fall of the rooftop. The building was the only one in the empty neighbourhood somewhere in Northern Italy, and Eggsy was happy he could explode as many things as he wanted _freely_.

Roxy, codename Gawain, and James, codename Lancelot, were waiting for him at the front gate, and Eggsy, who was still running, gave them a bright grin as the building behind him collapsed to the ground, completely clearing their enemy off.

“Did ya get the drive?” he asked when he finally reached them, his glasses fell off and broke when he was fighting the group of Mafias causing him to lose updates on the mission, and Roxy show him the thumb drive. Eggsy congratulated her by giving her a friendly punch on her shoulder, and James smiled at their interaction like how he always did.

Once their transportation – a private jet – arrived, Eggsy was given a new pair of glasses, and had his ears eaten away by Merlin’s nagging. He laughed it off, making the handler more frustrated, and spent the whole trip going back to England cuddling against Roxy. James had the idea of celebrating Christmas together in the private jet, so they had some drinks and surprisingly, some cakes that Merlin had stocked in the jet’s refrigerator for them.

“Percy would have loved this, celebration like this,” James sappily commented about the cake, probably feeling a little depressed not being able to spend the day with his partner, Percy, or surprisingly fitting with his codename, Percival, and Roxy rolled her eyes at the older agent, fond but still annoyed. “You are sickening. I don’t know how Percy and his poker face managed to stay with you for so long.”

James laughed, and Eggsy watched with bright eyes as the man starting to tell stories about their adventures – and misadventures – together, as the only couple in Kingsman.

It was strange, but at the same time, exciting, to hear stories that didn’t involve death or anything sad as such, and Eggsy sunk in the tales told to him. He listened to how James talked about his lover, as if he was talking about himself, perhaps because he had known Percy so well like the back of his own hand.

 _‘I want that,’_ something in Eggsy’s mind told him, when James said something about late birthday celebration, and smiled like a fool-in-love that he was, at the thought of Harry and him being together and happy, forever.

He missed Harry already, although he just left yesterday, right before Eggsy was called in for a new mission.

And for all the love and the missing he had for Harry, the voice kept talking in his mind; _‘I want all of that with Harry’_.

* * *

 

“Galahad?”

Eggsy looked up, and quickly stand up from his seat when he saw the doctor in front of him. He must have zoned out for a bit, thinking about Harry-less future, and how much it was going to take for him to move on.

“Yes? How is he?” Eggsy approached the doctor, frown visible on his face, as the old doctor gave him a tired smile. He must have been exhausted, and Eggsy wished that his effort had paid off. Because he needed Harry to be okay, he needed him to be okay no matter what.

“We managed to take out the bullet, and stabilized him. It was a fatal shot, and he barely made it, but he did. That is what matters.” at this, Eggsy felt a heavy burden being lifted up from his shoulders. He let out a heavy breath, legs weakened a bit and he would have stumbled down on his knees if he were a weaker man.

“Can I… may I?” Eggsy’s voice stuttered as he looked at the doctor, and he gave him a pitied stare before nodding his head a little.

“Let us transfer him to a room first, and you, son, you’d better go and get yourself clean up before seeing him. You look horrible.” He chided him, not unkindly, and Eggsy had to nod his head quickly, tears already warmed his sight again and he couldn’t even open his mouth to speak anymore. He afraid he would break down into tears if he had to talk about his husband some more.

The doctor nodded back at him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder before leaving him to return back to the operating room.

Eggsy stared at the closed twin door; wondering about where all these would put him now, since the cat was finally out of the bag, and Harry was his again.

* * *

 

“What’s with the…” Harry gestured at his casted left arm and split lower lip, reluctantly, “… injuries?”

Eggsy tried to grin as wide as he could at his boyfriend, but the split lip made it hurt to do so. He bet his smile looked as grimace as he was feeling.

Tonight was his third date with the gorgeous Mr. Harry Hart – trying to get Harry to date him was like trying to pull out a tooth – and Harry looked very uncomfortable as he tried not to stare at Eggsy from across the table. The candlelit dinner in the expensive restaurant Harry had booked for him seemed unsuitable to his current look, and Eggsy inwardly thought of ways to torture the man who attacked their shop yesterday morning.

(Not that Arthur and Merlin would allow him to do so, but Eggsy had the rights to fantasize, all right?)

“I got into a fight.” He blurted out the only thing he could come out with at that moment. In return, Harry raised an eyebrow at him. Eggsy faked a cough, and looked away a bit, trying to look as petulant as he could.

“You remember about the tailor shop I told you?”

Harry looked a bit skeptical, but to Eggsy’s surprise, he played along smoothly.

“Yes… the one that belongs to your uncle. What does that have to do with you getting into a fight?”

Eggsy swore Merlin would hit him on his head when he heard this version of Eggsy’s story.

“Yeah. I occasionally help him to sell stuff, like a salesman,” Eggsy nodded his head, smiling and looking naïve, and that got Harry to smile a little. _God, you’re so perfect_ , Eggsy melted a bit at the sight, he knew he was too head over heel for the older man and Harry didn’t even sleep with him yet!

“And the last two nights a few men tried to rob the shop, I was there helping him close the shop, so yeah.” Eggsy shrugged a shoulder and Harry nodded slowly. He still looked skeptical, but the look in his eyes spoke more of his concern about Eggsy’s health rather than his reasoning. Eggsy himself wasn’t sure if Harry was good for his health or not, because the way his heart beat so fast around the older man was abnormal.

 Not asking anymore questions, Harry then took the bottle of wine on their table and politely poured them their drinks.

“To the hero.” He smiled, crowfeet visible under his twinkling playful eyes, as he raised his glass at Eggsy, and Eggsy couldn’t help but laughed.

Harry and his sass.

Still laughing, Eggsy raised his glass using his uninjured arm as well, and clinked their glasses together.

“Yeah, to me hero!”

* * *

 

“Hey.”

Eggsy quietly greeted the still sleeping man in the hospital bed. Harry was transferred to a large room with white walls and high ceiling; the temperature was so cold and the lights were dimmed, making it seem gloomy and hollow.

Harry himself looked pale, and his body was connected with so many wires to the beeping machine next to his bed. Eggsy stared at the man and took a deep, shaky breath, because the doctor was definitely right when he said Harry had barely made it.

The thought of seeing his husband looking like deaths was swarming all over him, made Eggsy rethought of his wish. If surviving this made Harry suffered for a long time, maybe it would be better for him to be dead. To be away from Eggsy forever.

Away from all the pain and suffering Eggsy was putting him through.

Shaking his head slowly, Eggsy took the empty seat next to the bed, and gently took Harry’s right hand. He kissed each and every of Harry’s fingertips softly, muttering about how he missed those fingers running themselves through his hair, missing them touching his body, and missing the owner of the fingers with his whole heart.

“You’re gonna be fine, yeah? You’re gonna make it like a survivor, like a hero, because that is who you are to me, Harry,” Eggsy murmured against his skin, and kissed his palm gently, lovingly. He looked up at his husband, watching his chest rise and fall repeatedly in a slow motion. Eggsy clenched his grip on Harry’s hand, and kissed it again, this time letting his lips stayed on Harry’s skin a little longer.

“You can’t leave me now, not when I finally got you back.”

* * *

 

Eggsy groaned loudly, rubbing his nape as he closed the door to their house. Roxy was a wild one when she got drunk, and the mission they celebrated with the night out had taken a heavy toll on him. It was 2 in the morning, and for the last few hours all Eggsy had in his mind was crawling into his bed, calling his husband who was miles away for a business trip, and sleep for the next three days; sleeping until Harry came home and kissed him good morning.

So when he finally turned around to step into the house, his eyes widened at the sight of one Harry Hart sitting in their living room.

Eggsy stood still at the front door, unable to force himself to move, as he watched Harry looked at him across the hall. Harry was in France two days ago, and he was supposed to be home the next three days. And Eggsy couldn’t fathom why his husband was now here, looking all in the world like he was waiting for Eggsy.

 _It was probably because he_ was _waiting for you_ , the voice at the back of his head answered his fear, and Eggsy, in barely controlled panic, looked around to try finding any excuses he could muster.

“Harry? I thought you were-” Eggsy started, stepping close to his husband; still clad in his customary Kingsman’s white shirt and black pants, tie undone in his pocket pants and his jacket on his arm. Harry himself was still in his working shirt with two buttons on top undone, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, hair messy and looking the worst Eggsy ever saw him.

“ _I’m at home_.” Harry cut him halfway, surprising Eggsy because Harry was all for manners and manners also included do not cut people’s speech off, “ _I’m at home with Rox and we’re watching tv._ ”

Dread filled him as he remembered the sentence.

It was the one he used to reply to Harry’s message 6 hours ago.

Eyes wide, Eggsy remained where he was as Harry took out his cellphone, and starting to read all the messages Eggsy sent to him a few hours ago.

“10.45 pm, I miss you, Rox is no you,”

Harry read with a strange tone to his voice, and Eggsy watched as the man’s grip on his cellphone tightened.

“11 pm, we’re having pizzas, JB would have loved this, too bad that da boy is with me mum,”

The atmosphere was getting heavy, and Eggsy felt like he needed to stop his husband now, he need to stop Harry before the air become too heavy for him to breathe in-

“11.56 pm, Rox just went home, I’m getting my bath,”

But Harry was going at it with his tone getting stronger and his voice getting louder and Eggsy didn’t want to hear anything anymore-

“1 fucking 21 am, _I’m sleepy, I love you Harry, good night._ ”

With that Harry snapped and stood up from the seat, throwing his cellphone away onto their couch and Eggsy might have visibly flinched from the way Harry looked at him.

Harry was angry; hands fisted by his sides and eyes bright with emotions that weren’t supposed to be there. Eggsy stared at him with fearful eyes, still unable to respond to the sudden confrontation, but it was useless, because Harry beat him to it by approaching him with wide strides until they were finally chest to chest with only inches between them.

Eggsy’s breathing stuttered, and he thought of how heavy and strong Harry looked like right at this moment, just in front of him in their home. The house was cold; huge, but suffocating, and Eggsy felt the walls cramming up to them as he looked at Harry, waiting for the bomb to drop.

“ _Where the hell_ ,” Harry’s voice was soft, barely heard but the volume in his anger, in his eyes, spoke too loud in the space left between them, “ _have you been_?”

Eggsy looked up, blue eyes wide and feeling so trapped, he couldn’t even find it in himself to lie anymore, “… H-Harry… please.”

There was a moment of silence between them, and Eggsy watched dreadfully as Harry’s demeanour didn’t change. It was something that Eggsy wasn’t familiar with; being denied by Harry. It felt too much and his heart felt like it was trying to claw its way out from Eggsy’s chest out of anxiety.

But then, the look Harry had punished Eggsy with, was slowly disappearing, only to be replaced with disbelief, and something akin to a heartbroken man. It was the first time in Eggsy’s life, where he couldn’t make himself grab onto his husband and pull him into a comforting hug; because deep inside of him, Eggsy knew that Harry didn’t deserve this, that Harry didn’t deserve any of this.

The stiffness on Harry’s shoulders slowly went away, and Eggsy continued to watch as Harry let out a slow, heavy breath. They were so close, and yet so far, and nothing in this world felt as worst for Eggsy as being here now, right at this moment with this Harry.

“Where have you been all these whiles, Eggsy?” Harry started again, this time with softer voice and Eggsy felt himself breathing a little bit easier. Eggsy reached out a shaky hand, and touched Harry’s arm with hesitancy. He didn’t think he could take it if Harry somehow push his touch away, not when Harry was angry at him, and definitely not when it was his own fault.

“I-I’m sorry… I had to do something.” Eggsy muttered quietly, hoping that Harry would accept the vague reason, at least for now, and let Eggsy hug him tightly. But what he got when he looked back at his husband was Harry’s disappointed look. Harry looked so disappointed it broke something inside of him.

“Don’t lie to me, Eggsy. You don’t get to lie to me anymore.”

Eyes wide, Eggsy gaped as he tightened his grip on Harry’s arm.

“I’m sorry for violating your privacy,” Harry started and Eggsy felt something like fear coming back into his veins, “But for the last two months, I tracked your movements.”

Eggsy let out a stuttered breath, and Harry took it as the signal for him to continue.

“I called into your workplace asking for your position when you said you’re away to other countries. Most of the time they refused to tell me of your locations, but sometimes I got the same ones like what you said to me. I checked on Merlin and Roxy too when you were away, but they avoided me like a plague. At times when I had to be away, I called home instead of your cellphone, and nobody answered the calls although you said you were there. I made researches about all the strange injuries you got from your trips, because you dismissed me when I asked. I…” Harry took a deep breath, and his eyes looked pained as they stared into Eggsy’s, “I decided to lie to you, and came back home tonight, hoping so much that you’re here and I’ve been wrong all this time.”

Eggsy couldn’t look away, and opened to mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Nothing at all.

“Eggsy,” Harry called him slowly, placing their foreheads together in a sick imitation of love when all Eggsy felt from him was disappointments and heartache, “… _are_ _you cheating on me_?”

A gasp escaped Eggsy’s lips as he pushed Harry away as hard as he could. The older man stumbled back, wide eyed and Eggsy looked at him with shock written all over his face.

Harry thought Eggsy was cheating.

Harry thought Eggsy was cheating-

What the fuck-

“Harry, no! I never cheated on you, never!” Eggsy all but shouted at his husband, and Harry responded with a hand on his face, looking down and frustrated and Eggsy had to walk back to him to touch him again because no, Eggsy would never cheat on the only person he had ever loved this much, no-

“Eggsy,” Harry breathed out when Eggsy wrapped his arms back around him, tight and trembling with so much effort not to shout and destroy things all around them, “Eggsy, just tell me where had you been all those times-”

“Harry, I can’t, I can’t tell you, I love you, I swear I’m not cheating-”

“If you can’t trust me, then what’s the point of being together?!”Harry finally snapped, grabbed both of his shoulders, and Eggsy’s arms fell against his sides as Harry put a distance between them.

 _This is it_ , the voice at the back of Eggsy’s mind chanted, his eyes wide in disbelief, _this is it_ , and Eggsy knew he must have looked very terrified, because Harry was the picture of terrified itself, and this wasn’t how things should end. Never.

So it was a slow, painful feat, when Harry leaned to press a shaky kiss on Eggsy’s forehead; brief, broken, and an aching kiss, and it was not even a surprise when a moment later when Eggsy found himself standing alone in their living room, his jacket on the floor, and the sound of the door being clicked shut echoed in the empty space of their home.

* * *

 

It was five in the morning when Eggsy felt the blanket being lifted, and another body came to lay next to his. His breaths stuttered, and Eggsy tried to act as if he didn’t spend the last two hours staring pointlessly at the ceiling. He felt Harry’s body next to him, unmoving and it felt so punishing.

So Eggsy crossed his heart and hoped for the best, slowing turning to look at his husband, only to be greeted by Harry’s cold back. Eggsy blinked his eyes, wondering how on earth Harry could be so far away from him while lying together in the same bed.

“Harry,” Eggsy called out to him, voice small and hopeful, and carefully wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist, wishing for Harry to please do not push him away. “Harry love, I swear I didn’t cheat on you, and I’m sorry I can’t tell you where I’ve been all those times.”

Harry stiffened, and Eggsy could feel it by the way his shoulders tensed. But Eggsy didn’t want to give this up; he had been happy and happily married to the love of his life, how could he gave this up so easily?

“ _Harry_ , _please_ ,” Eggsy whimpered, pressing his face between Harry’s shoulder blades, and it was the way Harry suddenly turned to face him, the way Harry’s strong arms went to wrap themselves around Eggsy’s smaller body frame and pulled him so tight into his embrace, that Eggsy knew Harry heard him.

Kisses were pressed all over his face as Harry cupped his cheeks, and Eggsy whimpered again when his husband kissed him fervently on his lips. His own hands gripped Harry’s on his face, and Eggsy went to tangle their legs together so that Harry wouldn’t leave him again. Never again.

Harry had always fucked like how he lived; passionate, gentle and full with control. But that night – or early morning –, Eggsy was left gasping into Harry’s left shoulder as Harry pressed him into the mattress with his hard thrusts. His hands were unforgiving forces as they gripped on Eggsy’s thighs and spread him wide open.

His ramming pushed Eggsy further up the bed and Eggsy scrambled for any purchase when Harry pulled his legs up higher.

“’Arry, ‘arry please, please-” Eggsy gasped, blue eyes dark and wide, and sweat darkened his blond hair. Harry bit his lower lip, fucking him even harder on their bed and Eggsy screamed when Harry kept hitting his prostate with his thrusts. Harry was big, full and hard inside of his ass and Eggsy wanted to keep him inside forever. One of his hands let go of Eggsy’s leg to grab onto Eggsy’s hair, and Eggsy panted into Harry’s mouth when he pulled them together in a bruising kiss.

He quickly wrapped his legs around his husband’s waist, and clenched on the hard cock inside of him. The pressure caused Harry to stutter a little, before he growled into Eggsy’s shoulder and proceed to fuck him even harder.

If Eggsy thought that Harry was a gentleman with tight control over his manners; now he finally knew how Harry looked like when he was undone.

The rattles of their bed became harder and Eggsy gasped like there was barely no air left for him to breathe. Harry was strong as he hammered him like an animal, teeth bit and pull on every part of the skin of Eggsy’s shoulder, and Eggsy came with a soundless scream when his abused prostate finally had enough. He heard Harry groaned next to his ear, and a palm was pressed on his cum streaked stomach before his hole was filled into brim with Harry’s shots.

Heavy breathes were loud in their dark bedroom. Eggsy contemplated to fall asleep right at that moment out of sheer exhaustion, but Harry was still a vague reassurance. So he wrapped his heavy arms around Harry, who was still kneeling on top of him, trying to catch his breath, and leaned up to press a chaste kiss on his lips.

Harry kissed him back, equally gentle and loving, before leaning back to pull himself out of Eggsy. Eggsy whimpered at the feeling of being left empty.

“Harry,” Eggsy blinked his eyes sleepily, and ran his thumb over Harry’s left brow, “If you continue to fuck me like this, you’ll get me pregnant.”

The smile that he got from Harry was barely there, but it was _still_ there, so Eggsy sighed in contentment when his husband leaned down to press a tender kiss on his belly.

He felt Harry moved to clean him up, and Eggsy closed his eyes, slowly letting sleep take over his exhausted body.

* * *

 

“Can I tell him about us, Arthur?” Eggsy looked at the older woman sitting across him. The woman looked at him with unreadable eyes, before looking away for a bit. Eggsy found himself trying to control his fidgeting in his seat, because most of the time when he requested something from Arthur, he would be granted with it within a second. But she looked tentative, and that didn’t make Eggsy feel any better.

He had left the house early this morning; Harry was still deep in his sleep, and Eggsy pressed a kiss on his forehead with a note saying he would be home in an hour. But now being here, Eggsy knew if Arthur gave him a negative answer, he would fight hell and back just to win the argument.

“Galahad, I need to think this through.” She finally responded, and Eggsy was reminded of the previous Arthur, who hated his guts, and would reject him immediately. _No_ , he thought to himself, this Arthur was his Arthur, and she was only thinking of the best for the Kingsman.

“But Harry is okay. The other agents like him, hell, Arthur, you like him!” Eggsy tried some more, putting a grin on his face just to show that he wasn’t feeling restless. But she was not Arthur unless she was observant, and Eggsy knew she saw things right through his mask. Eggsy had brought Harry along with him for a few occasions; one of them was the one where a big number of the Kingsman’s agents decided to have a picnic day out, and Arthur was like Harry’s own twin as they talked so passionately about the British’s politic and James Joyce’s books. At that time Eggsy himself was feeling rather husband-less due to the little attention he got from Harry.

However, now, the sigh that Arthur let out was heavy, and she shook her head slightly.

“Think of it as his safety, Galahad,” she started, and Eggsy fisted his hands on his lap, “Don’t you think he’s in a safer place when he knows nothing of us?”

Eggsy looked at the woman who was probably more than seventy year old in front of him, and found himself unable to respond to her questions. He thought about Harry asking him about his works, he thought about the children they talked about having a few months ago, and he thought about their life as something novel-like; beautiful, wonderful and happily-ever-after.

But all of them shattered when he thought back on his status of a Kingsman agent, and how one day he could probably be forced to choose between Harry and his job. And ironically, now felt a lot like that ‘one day’.

“Galahad…” Arthur called him quietly, and Eggsy blinked his eyes, “… if your marriage is ruining your centre as an agent, I suggest you find your way out as soon as possible, without jeopardizing both of _this_ life, and _that_ life.”

* * *

 

Eggsy lied.

Eggsy lied to Harry again.

He didn’t come back home in an hour.

He didn’t come back home at all.

* * *

 

Harry didn’t wake up for the next twenty four hours, and Eggsy found himself remaining seated next to his husband’s bed. The doctor came and went off a few times, and Eggsy had been the faithful man who refused to budge away. It made the other people frustrated, but what could he do?

It was not like Eggsy would survive being away from Harry again.

Once was already enough.

He did get some sleep, and went out to use the toilet. But most of the time, Eggsy sat next to Harry, playing with his greying hair like how he always did when Harry was asleep. He even contemplated to sleep next to Harry, but he was afraid that Harry would unconsciously feel suffocated. He was careful with the tubes on Harry’s body, feeling grateful enough that he was breathing without the help of an oxygen mask. So Eggsy settled with being near instead.

He kissed every part of Harry’s face; his forehead, his eyebrows, his eyelids, his nose, his cheeks, his chin and his lips, at the same time running his fingertips against Harry’s arms, wishing that Harry felt him and woke up as soon as possible.

 _It was probably the trauma_ , the doctor said to him when he asked why Harry was sleeping for quite a long time, and Eggsy kissed the top of his husband’s head from time to time, just so that any bad dreams he were having would be chased away.

So when Harry finally opened his eyes, at 8.28 pm, looking so weak and pale, Eggsy was at a loss of words.

He had kissed and cherished Harry while he was sleeping, and now when his familiar brown eyes looking at Eggsy like he wanted to drown Eggsy in, Eggsy stared back him and felt that his heart stuck in his throat.

He remembered what Arthur told him, what he thought Harry needed, and what was probably the worst – and the safest – decision he had ever made for Harry.

But right now, looking at his husband and his own hand clutching Harry’s right hand, Eggsy opened his mouth again and everything came out like a flood.

* * *

 

It had been six days since he last saw Harry.

Eggsy took a mission away – a simple one since Arthur didn’t trust him and his unstable emotions – and spent it thinking about how to cut things off with the Kingsman.

And how to cut things off with Harry.

He was given two choices, and he couldn’t have both. Well, he could if he wanted to, but that would lead to losing Harry to people who wanted Eggsy dead, become a higher possibility. So Eggsy took his time, and those six days were the most excruciating, passing days. He didn’t even have it in him to call his husband, and explain why he couldn’t be home.

Eggsy was exhausted when he finally back to London, and he chose to go back to the apartment Kingsman had given to him; the one that he had lived in until he met and married Harry. He stopped at the main door, taking out his key and was suddenly alarmed at the signs that someone was already inside of the house. The door itself was unlocked, and there are fresh signs of dirt from shoes on the floor at the front door, and Eggsy frowned a little. He thought of who else had the access to his house, because it was set with alarms and only people with specifically made keys can enter the building. So it must be anyone from Kingsman or-

Eggsy froze for a moment, and when a minute or two passed by, he took a shaky breath in, and slowly opened the door.

He was immediately greeted by the sight of the person he knew would be there; Harry sat at the dining table, looking all dishevelled and sad. The light from the streetlamp outside silhouette his frame, and Eggsy wondered, did he see Eggsy right before Eggsy came here, because all the windows and balcony were opened. The air was cold, making shivers ran through his skin and he could almost see the incoming doom heading to his way. He closed the door at his back, and took a few shaky breaths.

He felt suffocated now, and it was ironic because Harry had always made it hard for him to breathe, but with different reasons than this.

When Eggsy finally managed to gather the little bravery he had left, he looked at his husband, and saw that Harry was exactly how Eggsy was feeling at the moment. He was in his formal shirt and black slacks; probably came here every day after work, just because he knew Eggsy wouldn’t come home if he refused to, and hoping for Eggsy to return to him.

The thought brought a strange, stabbing feeling in his chest, and Eggsy raised a hand to touch his own heart. He himself was still wearing his suit, sans his glasses, and he watched as Harry looked at him with a dejected look, still remained seated at the table.

“I,” Harry took a deep breath as he started, and Eggsy watched the older man ran his fingers through his usually neat hair, “I don’t know what makes us like this, Eggsy. I don’t know why you can’t seem to trust me with your secret, and I don’t know why you think leaving me is the best decision.”

He sounded small and this wasn’t what Eggsy expected when he came back to his apartment tonight; still indecisive. But Harry didn’t know what chaos was happening in his mind, because Harry was a victim in this relationship, as much as how Eggsy had always thought when he played the hero. Harry made him wanted to hurt himself for hurting him, and Eggsy clenched his hand tighter on his chest.

“… And I thought about a lot of possibilities. Maybe it is because of our age difference, maybe it is because of me being too busy and neglected you. Maybe it is because I did something wrong and you think I deserve to be punished. I thought about a lot of reasons, Eggsy, but none of them made sense.”

Eggsy wanted to approach him; his other hand clenched and unclenched repeatedly by his side, but his heart was too heavy and Harry seemed so far away although he was right in front of him now. Harry looked down at his shoes, still in his seat and he looked like a man defeated by his own feelings.

Eggsy wondered how he could destroy his Harry like this. How could he destroy them like this? Harry’s voice was heavy, quiet, when he next spoke, but it echoed through the space and Eggsy had to cover his mouth with his palm to control himself.

“And I…” Harry continued, voice breaking a little, and Eggsy took a shaky breath in, blinking his slowly blurry eyes repeatedly, “I even thought that perhaps, you never really love me… but that makes the least sense of all.”

Eggsy couldn’t even stop it when he himself started to sob; his legs felt weak and he wanted to die for making Harry like this. Harry shook his head slightly, before looking up at Eggsy and their eyes met for the first time Eggsy stepped into his apartment and saw Harry sitting in his living room. The smile on Harry’s face was empty, and he looked nothing like the proud, loving man Eggsy married two years ago.

“ _Harry_ ,”Eggsy bit his lip, and with the name on his lips, suddenly everything became clear. The name turned the gear to the right direction, completing the puzzle Eggsy had lost himself in, and gave him a way out.

A way out right toward Harry.

Because he could never deny that Kingsman made him met Harry, but Harry was the reason why he _lived_. Harry would never, ever, be compared to Kingsman, because he worth so much more than that, and Eggsy reached out to his husband with both of his arms.

“Harry, please,” Eggsy shook his head and wiped his tears with his sleeves, feeling like a kid all over again and the only cure that he wanted at that moment was Harry, “I’m sorry, I still want us, please, I’m sorry,”

And it was unfair, unforgivable, and definitely destructive, how easily he could make Harry looked at him and wanted him back in a whimper. The older man’s face changed as Eggsy tried and failed to stop crying, continued to wipe his tears with his hands. But the man in front of him was just another side of the man he loved; just that this one was the one that Eggsy tried so hard to win, but also was easy to be broken.

It was not a surprise when Eggsy saw Harry’s face scrunched up a little in misery, the way how he always did when Eggsy hurt himself, cried because of sad movies, and when he thought Eggsy wasn’t about to accept him and his ring. The same face that Harry made when he loved him too much and there was no way out of it anymore.

It was probably because Harry was too deep into the hole as much as Eggsy was. And Eggsy cried some more when Harry finally stood up from the seat and gave him a heavy, exhausted, but loving smile. “Oh darling.”

He started to walk towards him in approaching wide stride, arms opened just for Eggsy, and Eggsy stepped forward to match his husband in a selfish, greedy thought of _‘I want this,’, ‘I want this back, I want this to always be mine’-_

But Eggsy forgot one thing; that this love story was not like the other love stories.

That in this story, the hero didn’t get to play the good person, and the other hero didn’t get his happy ending.

So when Harry finally pulled Eggsy back in his forgiving arms, painfully tight, but real, Eggsy looked up and finally saw the man pointing his gun towards their direction.

* * *

 

“I’m an agent of an international intelligence agency operating at the highest level of discretion. Other words, I’m a spy working for a private agency named Kingsman, and my codename is Galahad. Kingsman is like the modern knights, all clad in suits as modern armours. I met you when I was having my once-in-a-blue-moon holiday, I fell in love with you when I was myself, and I married you as Gary Unwin, not as someone else. I didn’t break my toes falling from the stairs on our first night out as friends, and I did get into a fight with the bad guys when I came in with a casted arm for our third date. My mom, my baby sister and JB are really my family, and Merlin, Roxy and most of my friends that you know are Kingsman’s agents as well. I love curry that you made, I hate it when you think snuggling with me during the summers was adorable, because it’s not, it was too hot, and I love you more than I could ever love myself, so I’m so sorry for putting you through this. If you think this is the deal-breaker between us, I promise I’ll help you escape our relationship, but trust me, Harry, I love you and I will love you until I forget what love is.”

Eggsy gasped when he finished, staring at his husband half-lidded eyes as Harry stared back at him. The older man seemed to be lost in the words Eggsy just buried him with, and Eggsy suddenly thought that this was probably not the wisest time to tell Harry what was happening. But the heavy feeling in his heart loosened a little, and Eggsy blinked his eyes slowly when he realized the hand in his grip clenched his.

His husband, was probably the most wonderful person in the whole world, because Eggsy was a lying liar who deserved no one like him, but yet he still gave Eggsy his gorgeous little smile as his answer, and tightened their clasped hands even more.

Eggsy probably didn’t even deserve a little portion of Harry’s love.

But he wanted it; he needed it so much.

“How much of you I still have left, Harry?” Eggsy asked slowly, voice soft and quiet, just one final question before he’d call the doctor, and before he could let them finally be free. Harry stared at him with those eyes that he loved, just the right amount of tenderness Eggsy would never find in anyone else, and the answer that came, it came down crashing all over him.

“Everything,” Harry’s voice was almost inaudible, but Eggsy heard him louder than the beating of his heart, and the faint, small smile Harry gave him was brighter than any other love Eggsy had ever seen, “ _You have everything_.”

**Author's Note:**

> I think I wasn't mentally stable when I wrote this, but I hope you guys had fun anyway. :)


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